this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
