508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
