do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
