Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
