why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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