i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
