I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
