He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I would ride that face into the sunset
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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