I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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