drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
In other news, I just burned my penis
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
