Your tits are I can't wait for
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
