We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
