my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
