You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
