a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
