The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
