I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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