anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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