you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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