Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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