It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
