I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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