laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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