you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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