ugly people sure do ruin things
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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