this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
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