I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
