He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
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