I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
