we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
When are your genitals available?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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