i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
