She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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