Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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