Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
