So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
