if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I can't turn off my feet"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
