I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Well I just put wine in my tea
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
