I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
