No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Randomize
