they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
