At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
