what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
this is an emotional support booty call
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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