You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
