I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
