I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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