Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
