I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
