i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
