Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
