i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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