The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
