you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
