O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
